An hour ago I had tomato basil soup. It's been in the plan all day since I picked tomatoes at the weed garden :) but it just came to fruition after two long walks and a trip to Wal-mart for heavy cream. It was wonderful, a chunk of toasted baguette to go along and a couple peaches for the tasty conclusion.
Now the laundry lays on the bed...quietly boasting that I cannot go to sleep until I fold it and put it away.
The apple tree on Squirrel Spur road smells so fabulous. And there was a bit of alfalfa mowing going on today that I passed and felt that fresh sweet grass swirl about me. There was a black and white spotted dog sitting in a parked bright orange truck...and he just looked at us as we passed. Never offering to greet or growl. Patient easy rider. Bentley went pulling crazy as per the norm, but we carried on and got safely past and settled into a comfortable pace.
I was reading my Health magazine last night and I was astounded by the "girl of the week" who walks/runs thirty miles per week. I am always amazed by other people's stuff, always thinking how much better they are than me. And it occurred to me (this nibbling truth in my subconscious) that every week, I walk/run at least 42 miles and sometimes closer to 50. And I had to sit still for a minute. Me? I AM that girl. I AM even more than that girl.
The slow journey to belief in self gets some light here and there. I feel like it's been a tough past few months. Opening new doors, finding out great things and feeling sometimes terrible. I haven't been sharing it, because it feels so fragile. I need to believe in magic and so few of us do. I need the support of true believers and that is difficult to find. So, in my silence I find a bit of quiet magic and try to learn to self-support...until I feel strong enough to look for it in new places.
One incredibly wonderful thing happened in the past week or so...but it's a small part in what I hope is someday a bigger story. I will definitely write it down, once a couple more chapters become clear.