Monday, April 6, 2009

Half-remembered Wisdoms

My cat, Banjo is getting a bit long in the tooth. Don't get me wrong...she walks the walk and talks the talk and looks good for her age and acts like a young chick until you peeve her. She's just closing in on 10 years oldish and she's slowing down a bit here and there. I adopted a young fella about one and a half years ago, named him Magi. He is a fit! Oh my much energy, play, aggression, force of personality...and he's gorgeous! Long apricot hair and big green doesn't get much more handsome than Magpie (my nickname for him). I didn't know if she would love him or not...I hoped she would, but he was in a sad state and needed a home, so I took my chances.

I think they get along. At times I thought she fancied him. And now and then, I think she barely tolerates him at all. So, about 6 months ago, an old tom cat starts coming around the place. At first he's mean, taking food being a monster. And at some point, a few months back, I think he decided to be part of the family. HIs whole demeanor changed and he started hanging back to let the other cats eat, even let them beat up on him sometimes. Looks pitifully at me like he wants me to include him in my kitty conversations or pet him, love him a bit here and there. I don't...I feel like we walk that narrow line where if he gets me, he'll be mean to them again. So no me, and the balance seems to remain intact. Now, we have three bowls for food outside and each bowl gets food twice a day. I don't run him off, although the spotted dog would.

And one day, I noticed Banjo touching noses with him! A love affair? I am uncertain. But, he has defended her on a couple occasions against the bruiser play of the Magpie. They lay together on the red blanket sometimes and today, they both came back with burrs! Scandal, I surmise.

It just goes to prove that love is an unexplainable occurance. And just as I wonder how we form those attractions in life -what are they based on? Some chemical shift? The caught eye? The pheremone scents we detect but don't know about? I'm not sure. God knows I have questioned my own crushes of late. Thinking I was on the right track, and then thinking I've been so mislead (by me, not someone else). I wonder if someone is out there for all of us? And I think about the scarred up tomcat that replaced my apricot beauty in the heart of fair Banjo.

And I know, that no matter how you try to plan for it, you just never know when the right cat will come along....

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ain't No Love

what I keep listening to over and over is this song by DAvid Gray. Who, I believe is marvelous. Years ago, my friend Tracy turned me on to him and ever since I have been loving the words that come out of his mouth, the melodies that accompany his genius.

"Some days I'm bursting at the seams with all my half remembered dreams,
and then it shoots me down again.
This ain't no love that's guiding me."

It makes me think about how many times in a day I veer off path. If the path is love, I don't always choose it. I want it, dream about it, think for hours about it, but do not follow it's lesson - the nuances of being open to everything, everyone, all there is. I live in fear too often and even when I think my goal is clear...I am lost anyway.

No, there ain't no love guiding me.