Sunday, October 5, 2008


I am.

The thing is that what passes for okay really isn't.

So, there are times when I don't know what is happening.

Times when it seems like God is throwing me curve, two, ten all at the same time.

I feel settled and unsettled.

Yesterday I had a moment. At Walmart. Complete, people, children, tents, buggies, strollers, craziness. And I walked out into it and it all stopped for one moment and it was like a got a push on my left side. NOt a rough push (and there wasn't a push) but a nudge that said "look this way!!" and so I did. And there he a town that isn't our town. And how I saw him in all that, I just don't know.

But, the nudge is what interests me. Where does that come from? I believe it's energy...but is it my energy tuned into him and therefore engaging me? Or is it our energy bumping into each other and saying "wake up!"

I know it all sounds crazy. But, I get settled into an idea and then something like this happens and I get all unsettled again.

It shouldn't, but it does.

Who is he in my stupid life anyway? Here for what reason or duration? I just don't know and I want to know.

Then, again, they say that you can find everything at Walmart.


Michael said...

The last line left me chuckling.

When God throws you curveballs, just take two and hit to right. Don't try to do too much-take it the other way and get on base.

We can't all be home run hitters.

Glad you're back.

wednesday said...

Those cosmic nudges are comforting and unnerving at the same time, especially when you want so badly to know just what the hell is going on.

k said...

It's the truth, right? Although the baseball analogy leaves me confused (sorry M, I'm not a bbgirl:) I do hope the universe will open up and send me a cue. But then there's that wonderful quote from Rilke about loving the questions. And I do love them.

Anonymous said...

Good to see you back. I am concerned when you don't post for a while.
We have an energetic connection to each other. I Get it sort of like compatible colors. When we meet someone with whom we resonate there is a connection...a recognition.
Also.. there's that whole deal of karmic togetherness and past lives together.
Don't analyze it. Just appreciate it.

k said...

Dear A,

It's true right...that the connections are endless and so varied. I need more faith in the bigger picture. It's been a growing year and I am tired at the end of it. Not in a bad way, just weary.