Getting in alignment with my journey: A shared Concept

I bet there are a thousand ways to live a life. And I am interested in all of them, yet I am only able to choose a few in the short amount of time that I have here. I have had trouble in my own experience embracing it, the idea of living. Not sustaining, not breathing in and out, not keeping up with the rat race...but existing. Being aware and in tune with my self and what goes on in my world. It feels sometimes like there's no way to fit myself into the big picture, or that I don't want to fit into the big picture, or that the big picture and me don't navigate the same charts. But, I wonder if it is enough to lead a small life. And I wonder what my definition of a small life is...because honestly, I think that it changes from one moment to the next. And right now, in this moment a small life looks quite meaningful, looks quite liveable and possibly even hope-holding. I get here, to these vast amazing spaces in my existence and I walk so softly, afraid that with too much clatter I will lose my place, shimmy out of sequence, or be derailed. It's the derailment though that teaches us the track. It is going south of the agenda that teaches us to truly understand the atlas on this thing called life. And just when I thought I was done, I learn my way back to the trail, I find hope in the dark parts of me and I am thankfully renewed (even for a little bit) again.