Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Kym to Universe...Frustration calling.
I want to go gently through this world. It really is a goal of mine. But, on days like today....I want to scream at the people in my life GET REAL!!!!! It's been a bad day, from being smart-mouthed by a music rep (he was speaking the real truth though, at least), to having my friend call about how he has changed in 12 years from liking girls to not liking girls, to the Chef who went all around the place to everyone but me to talk about an event that I am trying to coordinate with him! And is communication that difficult? Is it truly that hard to just be honest with someone? With yourself? The music rep made me angry...why is he being brutal rather than doing his nice little job as a salesman (having a bad day, mate?)? And my friend made me sad...running through the particulars of this or that "insecure" possibly "overweight" girl that he tries to help to build esteem, but his heart's just not really in it anymore (well, stop...I've never enjoyed the insincere gesture myself). I've told him the answer that I believe to be true. I do not struggle with forthrightness...I try (again) to be gentle. But, I love to get to the bottom of the tale. The chef is leaving me little course of action, but direct confrontation...which isn't his strong suit, so I will have to wear armour to the engagement. I really just want people to come clean. I don't care what some brilliant mind said 18 billion years ago...I want to know what is inside of you! What are YOU doing? Why? And I realize that those are often the most scary questions. It's why we cover ourselves with other people's stories, discoveries or lives. But, today...I am really tired of the bull. In fact, I'm calling big red scarf on the bull. Come clean...bring it....say the truth, no, say your truth. Truly...I'd be fascinated to hear it. And it might cleanse me from the day full of crap I've endured. (I will, undoubtedly, apologize for this tomorrow...but, right now, it feels justified after today.)