Saturday, June 14, 2008

Snail's pace

It surprises me how long an awful emotion can drag on. I woke up this morning, snug as a bug while the mountain breezes blew soft through the window and I thought...I think I am over this. And I wasn't exhilarated, but it was a nice satisfied feeling. Like just enough pie, without going over board. But, as soon as I stood up, I lost all that and hit that wall of hopelessness. It's funny how the action of living can be so much more difficult than the idea of it. Laying in bed, I felt good, felt relieved and okay about the day ahead. Standing up, I felt like stopping. Not permanently. But, I no longer wanted to move forward.

Happiness skips around, gets hit by other occurances and ends quickly. While sadness, or hopelessness invade you and lay inside you like sleepy slugs. And just as you think they've exited through your ear canal, you get up and feel them right there in your stomach all over again.

I have a big work day today, social butterfly girl must prepare for the day...putting on a good face, some cheery clothes and tightening the hatches on Mr. sad slug for about ten hours. If you get to the blue ridge parkway, stop by and have some wine with us!


Michael said...

I've always said nothing bad can happen when you're asleep. Of course, bad things can happen, but you never become aware of them until you awaken. So stay asleep, that's my motto.

I used to work with a man named Fred. (Coincidentally, my father's and my son's name.) When you saw Fred and said "Good morning" (or "Hi" or whatever), he'd respond with an absolutely cheery, "Well, hello! How are you?"
When you said "Fine. How are you?" he would invariably say "Absolutely super! Every day's a holiday for me!", or something equally corny.

For the first two weeks, he was the most annoying person you ever met.

Then, he started to grow on you. Subtly, you found your own mood improving. You couldn't be in a bad mood around him. He wouldn't badger you, but his constant patter of positive, life affirming comments, simply wouldn't let you get too far down.

A remarkable man.

I'm sure you will find that putting on the pretty shoes and plastering on a fake smile will, even if only a little, help your mood.

Good luck.

k said...

Hey Michael - it did help me. Just to see that I could still do it. I think sometimes I get to this place and wonder...can I do this today? And when you do, it is just a step towards trusting yourself a bit more to get through this world. It was good to get home though. We had lots of nice people, but I was ready to get back to quiet at the end of it.