It's fascinating to me how much what you see right in front of you every day affects the way that you see yourself in the world. I mean, yes it makes sense. But, I am still shocked when I realize the degree to which it affects me. My friend STeph turned me on to a series on ABC called October Road. She never told me why she thought I'd like it, but I'm quite sure it's because there is a chunky girl on the show who dates the town hottie. And that never happens in television, movies, or barely ever books. (And here's the shocker, I found out last night that the show is written by four men. Go figure. I would've bet anything that it was written by average women, who want to see the good girl get the good guy just once). Anyway, I promptly rented season one on netflix, and I have enjoyed every minute of it! The relationship is troubled. Both characters insecure about the relationship in different, but similar ways. The final episode of the first season had possibly the cutest scene I have ever watched. I rewound six times! But, I digress (rent it, you might love it)...my point is that after watching this show. I feel like love is possible. I feel like I still might be enough, even though I'm not the "right thing". I feel positive. And getting to experience this shift in my attitude after watching a good example. I begin to realize what has happened to me watching all the normal examples, that I don't fit into.
When I lived in NYC, I worked nights at a private gym (mostly soap opera stars...no one super famous) and the woman I worked for was beautiful. She threw away every fashion/style/model driven magazine that came through the door. And she looked like the type to read them. So, one day I asked her why she did that, and she said, "I'm not putting that stuff in my head. I"m not buying into someone else's idea of beauty." I think she hit that nail straight and strong.