Wednesday, February 6, 2008

A dark day in my short history

I opened my daily motivation book today and realized that it is February 6. Two years ago on this day, I watched my precious girl dog, Roxy be carried away to be put to sleep. I remember what she looked like held in someone else's arms. I remember that she looked back at me, trusting me to have made the right decision. I remember running out of the building, laying on the gravel beside the car sobbing and unable to leave, feeling like I'd just done a terrible and right thing for my friend, but not for me. It was cancer, and it formed a balloon in her lungs and she couldn't breathe for the fluid that lived there. She was my best friend, and I still miss her. I remember so clearly letting her go. And every day I wanted to go back there, lay my hands on the cold table where she died, feel the warmth of her spirit as it travelled to the next place. I wanted to visit every place she had been just in case something of her remained.
The writing in my book for today was about losing someone...which makes me believe that just once more, she is reaching out to soothe me on a day that is so painful. I believe that I will meet her again someday, but she is not here now. And that still breaks my heart.

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