Saturday, May 10, 2008

Flux

I'm mad at the dog...and I hate being mad at the dog. But, he wouldn't go this morning and then ended up going in the crate while I was at work. And he knows better. He is almost two. We are at an impasse.

There is time right now. Time to clean or to go walking. Time to watch television or read a book. Time to surf the net, or dance to the radio. But I feel like being still and yet that's never quite possible for me. I have to be on my way to something, planning how to be on my way, just returning, busily preparing or considering my options. I cannot just be still and that frustrates me. I used to could do it. I used to enjoy it, that moment to moment-ness of being immobile for a while. Now, it drums up guilt, makes me feel apathetic, seems to re-name me lazy.

I'm taking off in a couple hours to check out the competition. Another winery doing an outdoor movie. So so mad that I got scooped! Now, I have to go see what they do, so that two weeks later, hopefully I can do it better. I am doing it cheaper. But, sometimes that's not enough these days.

I should close. I think I just wanted to check in...see how the air felt here.

4 comments:

Michael said...

Being mad at a dog is a little like being mad at a baby, or mad at the weather. The anger is real-you can't ignore it or minimize it or pretend you're not angry. But the one you're angry at can't really react to your anger-they can't understand it or effectively change what they're doing to not make you so angry.

So you're just angry.

k said...

Oh, how right you are! He does display images of guilt however...which makes me feel like the horrible mother I am.

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

Try being mad at a cat........

Michael said...

Being mad at a cat is EXACTLY like being mad at the weather. You're mad, and it just doesn't care. And you're still mad.