Thursday, May 29, 2008

What Dreams may come

Do you remember this movie with Robin Williams and he finds his wife in an altered universe after she has committed suicide over a dead boy? I can't remember the details. I know that the first time I watched it, it was okay. And the second time, better. I also remember that she painted pictures of where she wanted to be, and that is where he found her. So much of the current thought follows the "build it and it will appear" type of theology. The misty parts of me want to buy it, but there are other parts, clear-on that just won't let me.

Ruth Jean said today that some folks have it, while others don't. And God, I hope that's not true. But, she's a wise girl.

We also shared a joke. The difference between involvement and committment can best be displayed by a ham and egg breakfast. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

I'm coming off of two straight weeks of work...that no days off for 15 days and I think it is hitting me in the funny bone. As in, life's not being funny. I want to get back to that. I keep throwing the curtains wide and looking for it, but it's not there. And I know that I must be exuding the fragrance of despair because my chiropractor hugged me twice today and my 77 year old friend told me as I was getting out of the car that if anyone was mean to me, tell her and she would open a can of whoop ass on them. I believe her too. But, without my saying a thing about my immediate emotional struggle...both of them knew it.

Sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees. I know this. I get stuck and my sockets dry up staring in one sad direction. There's a nibble in my ear that soon, it's time to move on. I think I am stretching a part of my life, a place of my life that may have already done all it can do. Don't ask me where or when or how or why. I just feel well, like I've overstayed my time on this particular journey. Or maybe I am just traveling all wrong. I'm not sure which it is. So, of course, I will sit still and try to travel differently. But one of the great things about re-location is that it makes reinvention so much more feasible, necessary, easy. I don't think I am a "runner". I have been, but I am more sensible. But, I do tend to grow out of places sometimes.

If you mow in flip flops, you will have green feet. YOU might also slide down the creek bank with the push mower and scare yourself a little.

I saw Indiana last night...and as my friend Michael said, "it made me forget who I am for a couple hours" and anytime a movie can do that, I am thrilled. I love the idea of escape! Tomorrow it is Sex in the City with Kari - no, sillies, not Carrie! K a r i , the other one, still just as sensational. I'll let you know what I think!


Michael said...

I'm honored you referred to me as "friend". Thank you.

I feel similarly stuck. The point when you've stopped being angry, not because things aren't bad, but because you're just too tired to care.

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

If you mow in flip flops you could also cut off your PHUCKING TOES!!!

k said...

M - you are certainly welcome. :)

O - that is true. :)

Leslie Shelor said...

Uh, year, like Obsessive said, NOT with the flip-flops and lawn mower! I had a friend in high school that DID cut off a toe!

Sometimes feeling stuck is part of something bigger cooking...and you have to go through whatever is meant to happen instead of changing direction. Hard to know, though, which is happening, being stuck or simmering!