Friday, May 23, 2008


I was reading this morning about the children of the Texas sect being due to return home to families. The state overstepped its boundaries, it appears and got a little slap from the judge. I struggle with all of this, mainly because I am such an independent soul. I couldn't live within any type of community like that...I would be crazy. So, I wish for the children there to have the opportunity to see another way of life. Possibly have the chance to see that what is normal to them (early marriage, etc) may not be the norm elsewhere.

But, the thing is that you pretty much get what you get. And you grow there. And I do believe that if the spirit is in you to believe in something else for your will keep knocking on that door until it opens and lets you out to find it.

My friend Ruth Jean and I talked about how when individuality is squashed early on, it seems to be more pronounced and oft more aggressive later on. There's no parallel here...I am probably thinking more on my own experience. I was squashed in my home, but I just went deep, got quiet and built an internal dialogue that was me. I also got nurtured in school because I was considered smart and therefore got opportunities that other children did not. In terms of my personal growth though, my self evaluation, I wish that there had of been a system to nurture that. I wish that I hadn't been ignored by the few systems I was a part of, and I wish that someone in school had of reached out to check on my heart. Because I lived in a sad scary place, and I grew up to be someone who felt like she deserved it. And it's taken me YEARS to begin to step out of that.

So, I get distracted about this concept of protection. On one hand, I don't want the state involved in anyone's life aggressively. But, on the other, I do want us all paying attention to each other and maybe reaching in sometimes when it's not comfortable to say, "are you okay?"

Anyway, that's just this mornings thoughts. I haven't followed the story close enough to be well versed on it. As it usual, I pick up the parts I am interested in and go from there. I tend to like to do my own thinking rather than spend too much time on someone else's.

On a brighter note, we have liftoff with the mechanic. I'll keep you posted.


Michael said...

Well, takeoff makes me immediately have a Beavis and Butthead reaction, "heh-heh..heh-heh..she said 'takeoff'." But congratulations, seriously.

The Texas case is interesting for lots of reasons. I have a similar set of mixed feelings.

I feel like the government shouldn't determine what anyone does behind closed doors. Period.

When you get to a 14 year old, though, issues like consent get sticky. Can a 14 year old consent to marriage?

Ordinarily, I'd say no, of course-at 14, I wasn't capable of consenting to anything that momentous.

But a 14 year old can walk down a driveway, can go to a cop in a public place and say "please help me" just makes me wonder how much they were prisoners exactly.

And if they are willing to be in this compound, do we really have any business interfering?

k said...

I get what you are saying, but here's where I question it. When insanity is your life, when your life is threatened on a regular basis (and I am not saying that's what's happening here, but I'm saying what each of us can handle, absorb, deal with is very different and how we do that is even more diverse)this becomes your norm. To deal with that type of norm, I built a world where I was wrong, where I had been born wrong. And it took me 27 years to finally get that the idea that I was just the wrong seed was not going to grant me a good life ever. I could work my butt off to be a better person, but that internal seed of badness that excused the insanity that I lived in would not be put out of me, no matter what I did. As an adult, I realize that this mind concoction probably saved me from drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships. By making myself the bad thing, I kept focused on making myself better. Year after year, I got more self-destructive because no matter what I did, I never got better in my own mind. I stayed the same.

So these children who live in this madness and don't adhere to its ideals, I don't think they'll walk to a police officer. Or a few of them won't. A part of them will internalize it and maybe never live through it. And maybe they will live through it, but so sadly. The mind is a powerful weapon for survival. But, some of its methods can be particularly brutal to overcome once you no longer need them. How I wish someone had of even once said to me, what are you living through? I wish they had of interjected to see, and then let me know it wasn't okay. I turned out fine, I reckon, but I question death daily - why I can't have it. And I don't think that will ever stop for me, and I'm not okay with it. Mainly because I am aware enough to know there is a better life for me, but getting there seems damn near impossible most of the time.

When crazy is your norm (and I'm not saying this is crazy for all of them, because I doubt that it is) asking for help seems ridiculous. YOu never even consider it. Or some of us don't.

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

You can get a drivers license when you are 14 in Nebraska and live on a farm to drive to school. I think these people are whacked out sickos that are brainwashed into thinking the outside world is evil (and technically there is a lot of evil) BUT these people don't think for themselves. I don't care what anyone says....14 year olds should not be having children w/50 year old men. It is all religious brainwashing!!!!!!!!

5-4-3-2-1 BLAST OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obsessive Foodie or Food Addict....You Decide said...

I see what you are saying about crazy=normal......totally understand that. I just hate this religious brainwashing.....

Michael said...

I see what you mean-when crazy is your normal, then a sensible step for us is beyond comprehension for them.

We have to remember that the way we all (Western societies) do things is not the only way things can be done.

But I think you make an excellent point that they were probably not fully consenting to this in any meaningful way.