It's evening and almost summer. Just sitting by the pond, and hearing children's voices across the way. Something going on at the elementary school. Car doors closing, dad's talking in stern voices, giggles. It's almost summer, not quite but close. And the days are longer and this evening just 20 minutes ago, I wore a t-shirt, but ten minutes ago, it changed to a jacket, and just now, I am keeping the jacket on in this house. Sun set. Changes the elements of everything.
Makes me wonder if I ever had secret dreams of a family, a husband, children. I don't think so. But, I always covered so much up with all my insecurities. Blankets of "should not", "could not", "no good at", "would like fail", etc, etc. So, that daily, I am faced with some new realization about myself. Which is fun, actually. Sortof amazing, to still be learning grand things about who you are...which I guess we all do if we are paying attention. But the painful things, the ideas that might later cause regret...those are what I worry over. When I decide to sit by the pond in the evening sun and worry.
The kitties are taking over. Running here and there. And Magi is fun to watch because he is patterning after BAnjo. And I think she likes it. Wouldn't admit it, but seems to, just a bit. The spotted dog is jealous...of their friendship, of my attention, and sad that he is too big and scary to be part of the playtime. I can't afford another dog. That's the truth of it. So, he will just have to live with it. We all live with one thing or another.
The criminal is still on the loose and when we turned to walk left...I heard gun shots, two. And turned right instead. I think it might be gobbler season, but I don't keep up. So, I was a bit scared...but the coast seems clear. I sat out for a good while and nothing more was shot.
I had crazy dreams about Gene Simmons last night. And we won't go there, because it ain't pretty. But, don't you wonder what is up with your dreams sometimes? I barely even liked the group. I can't imagine how he got into my psyche. They say you should put yourself in each character, or that is what is being played out...different parts of yourself in different characters. And sometimes that works out.
What's my point? I don't reckon I have one. But, if I had to pull one together, it would be this: the season's are changing again, and I'm not quite sure what's on my mind. It feels on the soft wind like something's coming, but I'm not sure what, or where, or when.