I am always curious about humans set to inproportionate places by the society that idols them, or is just using them for personal entertainment, or believes something passionately about them. Reading an article this morning about the Dalai Lama and wondering what goes on inside his head over the fuss made about him. I guess he is different for me from others who might be seen as having similar placement, like the Pope, or the President, or Jay Leno or Cher. Mainly because he is enlightened. The whole idea of enlightenment being that you can't take yourself that damn seriously. So, does he wake to a daily chuckle, don his long flowing apparel and head out to his umbrella? I'm just not sure...and I'd love to have that conversation with him inside his head. Because otherwise, he would be too gentle and kind to speak his truth...which I imagine to be, "what the heck are you expecting of me? I'm a human." I don't think that less enlightened superstars suffer this, because they probably actually believe some bit of it too. I for one, am no good at being what I'm not. Which leads me to a story.
Yesterday a new couple of friends invited me out to dinner with other friends. They believe that I am shy and need to relax and enjoy myself more. And I can totally agree with that sometimes. My friend at work said, gooooooooo, it'll do you good to meet new folks. And so I did. And they were a hoot! I laughed a lot, and people watched my little heart out. But, it didn't make me jump up on a table, and I didn't add a lot to the conversation. But they all, four, insisted that they would pull me out of my reservation at some point down the road. Unlike the Dalai Lama, you can dress me up, give me props and send me out the door with the most supportive masses, but I cannot do the show. It's just not in me to even want to. I don't sit back thinking...wow, I wish I were that person (although they were all fabulous). I rather just sit back. I think they will ask me out again, and the realist in me feels like I need to say...you do realize that you're just getting the same booth corner quiet watching girl, right? Ask me to analyze anyone in the bar, and I can do it...but the rest of it is never gonna happen. Once people realize that they can't change you for the "better", do they lose faith? Do you just go along with the play until the curtain closes? Or do they really know all along that you're never gonna get it and they just enjoy messing with you? It could be any one of those or some combination...but I'm just not enlightened enough to figure out which.